Mall Fashion or Signs I'm Getting Old

I've worked in a mall for the last 13 years and I've seen more butt crack than I have ever cared to. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your...you get the picture. Nothing brightens my day more than turning a corner into the Bargain section and seeing someone's ass. I don't want to see it nor do I want to see the top of your thong either!

Just say no.

I also don't understand the tiny jean shorts with the pockets hanging past the cut. It seems very tacky to me and the first thing that pops into my mind when I see girls wearing them is trailer trash. I don't mind the jean shorts without the pockets hanging down and if you have the figure for it. I myself rocked the Daisy Dukes from time to time back in the day.

They're escaping!

The surest sign that I'm getting old is how often I mutter under my breath about someone's hair. I say things like, "What the hell are you thinking?" and "Why did your mother let you out of the house looking like that?" Things I know my mother said about me, my brother, and I'm sure my peers. We had huge bangs, crimped hair, and ponytails everywhere but the back of our head. My brother sported a giant spiked mohawk that changed color all the time. I understand now the anxiety my mother felt when we had to drive my brother somewhere and people would stare.

Awesome bangs plus a perm!

Now, I see kids with hair hanging in front of their eyes like a shaggy dog or spiked up on all sides like they just stepped into a wind tunnel. There's one guy that I see all the time with long hair that he manages to tease up and hairspray off the back of his head to epic proportions. I wish I had a picture of him. Some days he looks like Blanka from Street Fighter and other days like Londo from Babylon 5. Sometimes he's with friends who all have their hair done the same way! His hair is clearly the biggest so I guess that makes him the Alpha or whatever. I'm all for freedom of expression and all that jazz, but I just don't get it. I somehow think Jersey Shore is to blame. I think they're to blame for a lot of things.

Blanka & Londo