Thursday, September 6, 2012

Customer Tales Vol 1

Over this past holiday weekend, I encountered quite a lot of memorable customers. Some bad and some good. Here is a rundown...

Exhibit A

 "There's a customer here that would like to speak to a manager." Nearly the moment I stepped out of the break room to start my shift, this is the phone call I get. Great, so first customer of the shift is gonna be a complaint (they almost always are). What a way to start....really sets the tone. So, this guy is mad because he deleted an e-book off of his e-reader, but he didn't realize that meant it was gone from his whole library. He just wanted it off the device, not gone forever. Nevermind the fact that it prompts you with a warning that says, "Are you sure you want to do this??" Well, then he starts griping about how delete means one thing to him and one thing to us. Nevermind the fact that he should have read the damn instruction manual. Do not blame me for your lack of knowledge. So I get our e-book techies on the phone and explain the situation. They are gonna restore his book. The whole time the guy is still griping and complaining...loudly. The tech guy says he needs to speak to the guy to verify something and inside I am doing an evil laugh. Sure, you can talk to the guy.

So, for like the next 15 mins or so, the guy is complaining to the tech and then he complains to one of their supervisors. Meanwhile, this older woman had been waiting patiently behind him. After I handed him the phone, she asks me for help. While I'm looking up her book on the computer, she leans in and says, "What an asshole! I would have thrown his ass out by now, he shouldn't be allowed to speak to you like that." I am trying so hard not to laugh....that loud. I keep looking up her book. She keeps going, "He's just doing this for attention. I have a degree is psychology...I know." Oh, the sass of this woman. I love it! The guy starts getting loud again and she says to him, "Hey, can you be more quiet! I can't hear her!" I want her to stay in the store all the time. We should hire her, just to sit and read and be sassy. "If he keeps this up, I'll cuss him out for you. He's ugly as hell, too" I'm giggling while trying to help her now. "Stay with me, just stay with me, dear." Bless her heart, she is stalling so I can keep helping her! Can you be my grandma?

So, the guy gets some kind of resolution and goes away. "You need to wipe down the counter and the phone after that." LOL! I keep helping this fantastic woman and when I'm done she says she wishes she could stay longer and "protect me". She also said she used to be a police chief! SHE TAKES NO SHIT. Seeing as how she did not live in the area, I will most likely never see her again, but she will go down as one of my absolute favorite customers.

 Exhibit B

Guy on the phone: "Hi, I don't have an author or title, but can you search by a subject or keyword?"

Me: "I can try. Our keyword search engine is down at the moment, but I can see what I can do."

Guy on the phone: I'm looking for books on cuckolding.

Me: .....okay. (typing it into the search)

Guy on the phone: I don't know if you're familiar with the term, but it's when a your girlfriend or wife takes another lover and you watch. It's a great way to keep things exciting in a relationship.

(I had heard of the practice before, I just didn't know the technical term.)

 ****For those of you playing the home game, here is a further definition of cuckolding - "A cuckold fetishist is aware of his spouse's activity, most likely actively encouraging it, and derives sexual pleasure from it." It's also a form of masochism. While she's having sex with the other guy, her boyfriend is watching and she's telling the boyfriend how much better this other guy is compared to him. And the boyfriend is aroused by this humiliation. So ends my lesson.****

Me: Oh, well, I bet is. I'm not finding anything so far. (This is where I type "cuckolding" into Google. I would love to see the face of the person at corporate that monitors our internet history!)

Guy on the phone: Here's the thing, my ex-wife and I used to do it and I've got a new girlfriend now and I've been....craving it, I guess. I told my girlfriend about it and she seems really interested. I want to get her some more information. I'm sorry, that's probably TMI, huh? You're probably thinking I'm some kind of weirdo. 

Me: Well, they say you learn something new everyday. To be honest, this is the best phone call I've had all day! So far, I'm not finding any books just on cuckolding. We have a book on fetishes in general though and their are some e-books online on the subject. Nothing in print form though.

Guy on the phone: Well, I don't know if this is something you or your boyfriend would be interested in, but it's really exciting. As long as he's not the jealous type.

Me: Well, I'm married actually and it's not something I'd really thought about, but I thank you for the information and I hope you find what you're looking for.


Was that a proposition? Was he fishing for more partners? He didn't sound pervy. He was super nice and I didn't get that John Waters vibe from him. Whatever floats your boat, sir!

Exhibit C

I'm not even going to get into this because I'm still trying to recover from it. A woman told me that E L James, the author of Fifty Shades of Grey, writes in a similar style to Jane Austen and the Bronte sisters. "She's a fantastic writer, I'd compare her to Austen and Bronte."

I died a little inside that day.


  1. LOLOLOL I do not miss customer service!
    But at least it keeps life interesting. =)

  2. Oh MY! What an interesting life you lead:) Thanks for posting this this morning...It has already made me laugh;)

  3. I love customers who call out the assholes! I will spend extra time helping them, especially if it means making the rude one wait longer!

  4. I LOVE when you post these stories! I needed that laugh. Austen and Bronte...oh the horror! The English teacher in me screamed in terror when I read that (Wuthering Heights is one of my favorites). What did you say to that, or were you just speechless from the sheer stupidity?